Boneless chicken and near misses…

This one is for anyone that can comprehend, or, wants to learn a little bit about the new dimension in the Indian culture called matrimonial sites…. The saga goes back to one fateful afternoon when after a lazy lunch, the prospect of branding matrimonial profiles as acceptable or thrash seemed more interesting than even just dozing off at the desk. I was asked an opinion on one particular profile that was otherwise labeled ‘snobbish’ by the other pair of eyes that had scanned through it. I somehow thought there was substance to the profile and sounded the GO verdict on the go-no-go stalemate, while I still struggled to pronounce the name without getting my tongue all knotted up.. but hey.. what’s in a name..

As it turned out to be.. the episode was heading in the direction of being a threesome orgy at breakneck speed, virtual of course… Every passing hour and day I would be apprised of what the latest conversation was, about and the tastes, likes, dislikes, preferences, et al of the profilee (KSP)… so much so that I had gotten adept at predicting what KSP would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

With the passage of time.. the virtual world was becoming a beautiful painting with new colors and details filling up the canvas each day. I did not mind the onslaught and would listen to every tidbit of detail that was inflicted on me. All this just for the reason that it helped multiply the happiness and positive anticipation around the expected outcome. It was beginning to sound like the first stirrings of romance..... I learnt so much of KSP that I could have probably singled this entity out of a crowd even the first time…the parents as described seemed like most parents except they were painted several hues weirder than most normal folks… so on and so forth.

Several days passed and the sole right thumb had gotten so engrossed in the happenings, that it could type SMSes with the dexterity and nimbleness of several right hands. Several games of scrabbles were played.. a few won.. a few willingly lost. A lot of home improvement projects and a few ego battles later.. the day finally arrived. KSP who all along kept the painting live arrived with the family for a visit…. All seemed well all through other than the color of the sweet pudding that ended up being white instead of the preferred saffron.. several moments later after promising to talk again the byes were said…

Sometimes silence can be deafening.. and to try to help that situation.. the parents were prodded a few times. The male seemed very incomprehensible until he spoke through another ally that always seemed like the trouble monger, and indeed, that expectation was more than met soon. The ensuing conversations led us to ponder if we had staged the show to express interest in an alliance, or did it end up seeming like we were unprepared for an outright purchase.

Whatever it was, KSP, the hitherto bright and seemingly stand-up-to-ones-self types did not want to let down the folks. The events hurriedly converted them to the most virtuous folks complete with sanity and balanced minds, which was in total contradiction to how they had been painted all through, and even just until before the socializing event, and the sole reason for living alone and miles away from them. In any case… if things had jived the way we are conditioned to hope and pray they do.. KSP would have probably earned the dubious distinction of being the most expensive boneless chicken ever bought. Until this point.. no one ever told me that boneless chicken besides lacking the spine and gut.. lacks a heart too… While it is proven that a combination of the human brain and human heart does not necessarily work well always.. I think KSP was God’s way of experimenting whether the combination of a bird brain with a human heart.. or a human brain with a chicken heart (whichever) fared any better.

While the bitterness is slowly fading away I am forced to think about the disaster that would be if airplanes that were part to a mid air near collision actually collided.. would you rather call it a near hit or a near miss? I want to simply say.. Thank you GOD!!!